Okay, so our beloved Caps are out of the playoffs. Now what?
Well, you can either choose to do something else with your time for the rest of the spring and summer, like go outside or take up a hobby or hang out with people… or you can pick a new team’s bandwagon to hop on for the rest of the playoffs. FUN.
Should you choose the latter, we’re here to help! We’re not going to tell you who to root for, of course, but we will provide you all of the important information and crucial analysis you need when making your decision – like how many old dudes are on each team without a Stanley Cup, an overview of each team’s likability, and how much of a rivalry there is with our Caps.
Note: We are setting the bar for “old dudes” at 35+…and adding in this friendly reminder that 35 is only old in pro sports and is young, nay practically an infant, in real people terms. Ahem.
Also, Rivalry Factor will be judged on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being the least rivalryesque and 10 being the rivalry…est. Cup chances are snagged from MoneyPuck. Teams are listed below in order of city/state name.
Boston Bruins
- Stars: Brad Marchand, David Pastrnak, Jeremy Swayman
- Former Caps: Kevin Shattenkirk
- Old Dudes Without a Cup: None
- Years Since Last Cup: 13
- Likability: Boston is such a contradiction, and it is just as easy to despise them as to love them these days. On the one hand, you have Brad Marchand – team captain, longtime pest and basically the face of this team – as well as a whole horde of Masshole fans who, let’s be honest, are not well-loved in any sport. On the other, you have serious golden retriever energy emanating from their netminding duo, who just really love each other a lot and celebrate every win with an epic hug that is just the sweetest thing. Their social media crew, and the team’s interaction with them, is also pretty great. So… this one’s a toss-up, and very much a personal call.
- Rivalry Factor: The Caps have gone 25-12-1 against the Bruins over the last decade and the B’s employ Tom Wilson’s biggest fan, so we’ll give this one about a 4.
- Cup Chances: 5.9%
Carolina Hurricanes
- Stars: Sebastian Aho, Andrei Svechnikov, Jordan Staal
- Former Caps: Evgeny Kuznetsov, Dmitry Orlov
- Old Dudes Without a Cup: Brent Burns
- Years Since Last Cup Win: 18
- Likability: Rod Brind’Amour whining behind the bench. Jordan Staal wearing the “C”. Tony DeAngelo’s mere existence. Former Penguin (and Cap-killer) Jake Guentzel leading the forwards. And of course, this belief that they could “fix” Evgeny Kuznetsov. Yeah…that’s a recipe for some serious unlikability.
- Rivalry Factor: While the Caps share a division with some longtime rivals, the Hurricanes have very quickly made up for lost time and have risen in the ranks as a pain-in-the-ass rival. Games between these teams are almost always feisty and thoroughly entertaining, and there is a strong urge to see these guys fail just as much as, if not more than, other Metro Division neighbors. Put this one at a strong 9.5.
- Cup Chances: 11.9%
Colorado Avalanche
- Stars: Nathan MacKinnon, Cale Makar, Mikko Rantanen
- Former Caps: None
- Old Dudes Without a Cup: Zach Parise
- Years Since Last Cup Win: 2
- Likability: The Avalanche are a very… professional team. Businesslike. Efficient. When they are on, they are thoroughly entertaining (and downright scary) to watch, and MacKinnon just on his own is basically a human cheat code worth tuning in for on any given night. Put it this way: there’s nothing particularly unlikable about this squad, which certainly seems to give them a leg up over some of the entrants in this year’s postseason bracket,
- Rivalry Factor: They’ve smacked the Caps around a bit in recent years, but really, who hasn’t? Maybe a 1. Maybe.
- Cup Chances: 15.3%
Dallas Stars
- Stars: Jamie Benn, Tyler Seguin, Jake Oettinger
- Former Caps: Craig Smith
- Old Dudes Without a Cup: Joe Pavelski, Ryan Suter
- Years Since Last Cup Win: 25
- Likability: Like the Avs, the Stars can be incredibly entertaining to watch – but there’s a level of chaos in the Stars’ overall game that makes them both more terrifying and more fun overall. They’ve also got some good personality on this squad, with guys like golden-retriever-in-human-form Tyler Seguin leading that charge, and they’re the only team in the NHL with not one but two players who have been immortalized in MS Paint cartoon form. Also, Joe Pavelski is easily the most likable of any of the old guys without a Cup listed here, and it’s time he won one.
- Rivalry Factor: There was a weird stretch there in the middle of the Alex Ovechkin era where the Caps just could not beat the Stars, but things have evened up a bit recently, so… let’s go with a 2.
- Cup Chances: 7%
Edmonton Oilers
- Stars: Connor McDavid, Leon Draisaitl
- Former Caps: Connor Brown
- Old Dudes Without a Cup: Derek Ryan
- Years Since Last Cup Win: 34
- Likability: McDavid is basically a piece of white bread in human form, but he’s a phenomenally talented piece of white bread who is an absolute treat to watch, so that should cancel out how boring he is away from the ice. On the flip side, Leon Draisaitl is both stupidly talented and kind of hilarious in his tendency to get a little bratty, which is fun to experience. Of course, they also employ both Evander Kane and Corey Perry, so…
- Rivalry Factor: The Caps can and should take credit for reawakening McDavid earlier this season (you’re welcome, Edmonton) and then got spanked again back in March, but outside of that… eh. 1.
- Cup Chances: 14.8%
Florida Panthers
- Stars: Matthew Tkachuk, Sergei Bobrovsky, Alexander Barkov, Vladimir Tarasenko
- Former Caps: None
- Old Dudes Without a Cup: Kyle Okposo, Sergei Bobrovsky
- Years Since Last Cup Win: Florida has never won a Stanley Cup
- Likability: If you’ve ever just randomly flipped on a Panthers game, you are highly likely to see some sort of scrum or fight or any assorted testiness, because it happens every game. Why? Well, to put it simply, they’re kind of… assholes? But they’re, like, fun assholes (with the exception of Nick Cousins, who is not fun or good). Sort of. So if slightly cranky pests who like to get opponents riled up are your thing, this is the team for you!
- Rivalry Factor: Going back to the Southeast Division days, the Panthers have been a bit of a thorn in the Caps’ side, and that continues today, including a recent playoff win back in 2022… but it’s not that serious a rivalry. We’ll give this one about a 6.
- Cup Chances: 11.1%
New York Rangers
- Stars: Artemi Panarin, Igor Shesterkin, Adam Fox, Chris Kreider
- Former Caps: Erik Gustafsson
- Old Dudes Without a Cup: None
- Years Since Last Cup Win: 30
- Likability: There are a few guys in blue who seem like they’re okay(ish), but overall, yeah, this is a massively unlikable team, from Chris Kreider to Jacob Trouba to Matt Rempe and all their little friends. Add in the fact that they’re division rivals, their fans are incredibly annoying, and they just mopped the floor with the Caps? Hard to find a reason to like them.
- Rivalry Factor: Years and years and years of history here, including some of the more painful playoff losses in recent history. This one goes to 11.
- Cup Chances: 16.7%
Vancouver Canucks
- Stars: J.T. Miller, Brock Boeser, Elias Pettersson, Quinn Hughes
- Former Caps: None
- Old Dudes Without a Cup: None
- Years Since Last Cup Win: Vancouver has never won a Stanley Cup.
- Likability: Caps fans are certainly familiar with the decades-long quest for a Cup that the Canucks, and their fans, are still stuck on. Their only playoff appearance over the last decade, prior to this year, was a brief foray into the Twilight Zone-esque bubble playoffs of 2020, where they were ousted in the second round. Beyond that, though, they’re kind of just… there? Their stars are good but aren’t particularly flashy (and it’s hard to give full-throated support to a team coached by Rick Tocchet, let alone one employing bad guy Casey DeSmith).
- Rivalry Factor: Nothing to see here. Solid 0.
- Cup Chances: 13.6%
Vegas Golden Knights
- Stars: Jack Eichel, Jonathan Marchessault, William Karlsson
- Former Caps: Chandler Stephenson, Anthony Mantha
- Old Dudes Without a Cup: None
- Years Since Last Cup Win: 1
- Likability: For a team that’s only been around for a handful of years, the Knights have done a great job of weaseling their way onto many fans’ “most hated” lists. There’s just something about them that’s icky, whether it’s the full-on embracing of all the tackiness and over-the-top nonsense of the Vegas strip or the way they’ve absolutely barreled through the LTIR loophole to snap up all the big names at the trade deadline to the simple fact that this freaking expansion team went to a Cup final in their first year and won their first Cup five years later. Not that we necessarily want or need everyone to have the same suffering that we have, but, like… couldn’t they have had just a little pain? It’s good for you. Builds character.
- Rivalry Factor: Outside of that Cup final back in 2018, the Caps really haven’t seen these guys very much, although they do seem to struggle at T-Mobile Arena and have weirdly still not won a single regular season game in Vegas (although they did just fine in the playoffs…). Let’s go with a 2.
- Cup Chances: 3.7%