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Capitals vs. Golden Knights: A Different Head-to-Head Analysis

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Guest contributor Glenn Dreyfuss offers up a different way to breakdown the upcoming matchup

2018 NHL Stanley Cup Final - Media Day Photo by Bruce Bennett/Getty Images

Friend of the Rink and local Caps’ historian Glenn Dreyfuss offers up his own breakdown of the upcoming Stanley Cup Final matchup:

A deluge of advanced metrics comparing the Capitals and Golden Knights is descending between now and Monday night’s Game One. Don’t get me wrong – admiration is due those who can glean and share the insights found deep within fancystats. I appreciate the knowledge, even if I can’t always follow how it was calculated. (“High Danger Shooting Chart” sounds like a map of places in P.G. County to avoid after dark.)

So, on behalf of everyone baffled by Game-Adjusted Score Effects, here’s an alternative head-to-head analysis of the two teams, and the cities which cheer them on. You know, comparing the town that thrives on sex, booze, corruption, backroom payoffs, and sleazy shadow figures - and Las Vegas. Stick tap to writer and humorist Nick Bakay, who created this method, which he called, “Tale of the Tape.”


Pierre L’Enfant Bugsy Siegel
Cherry Blossoms Cherries on Slots
Bureau of Engraving and Printing Blackjack, Roulette
Abe Lincoln, Thurgood Marshall Elvis Presley, Frank Sinatra
K St. Experience Fremont St. Experience
Washington Monument Stratosphere Tower
“Nation’s Capital” “Sin City”
Nationals, Wizards, D.C United, the NFL team Cirque du Soleil, Thunder Down Under
Federal Government Sex and Gambling
Watergate Break-In Siegfried & Roy Bitten by Tiger
Smithsonian Museums Circus Circus’ Circus
Tax Code Resort Fees
Constitution, Declaration of Independence Casino Licenses
Trotz Gallant
G.M. McLennan – No G.M. McPhee – Yes
G.M. McLennan – No G.M. McPhee – Yes
“Rock The Red” “Bold In Gold”
MCI, Verizon T-Mobile
8 Wins (1974-75) 51 Wins (2017-18)
Widespread White House Scandals (1974) Widespread White House Scandals (2017)
607, Plus 58 Playoffs 0
Eagle “Slapshot” Gila Monster “Chance”
Pandas, Domes, Watergate Bugs Red Hawks, Nighthawks (Not Blackhawks?)
Craig Laughlin - Obsessed with Sharpies Markers Shane Hnidy - Pupil of One Eye, Hit by Puck, No Longer Dilates
Hunter, Druce, Bellows, Juneau, Ward, Johansson, Kuznetsov None
Eight Gazillion None
Japers’ RinkRecap Thread vs. Pens - 933 Knights on IceRecap Thread vs. Sharks - 22

As Bakay reminded us, “It’s so simple when you break things down scientifically.” By the width of a Dennis Maruk Fu Manchu mustache, the Capitals top the Golden Knights in our series matchup. Plus, by the length of the Reflecting Pool, The District bests Vegas in our city showdown. And as Nick taught us, the numbers never lie.