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Caps vs. Canes Recap: Splash! Caps Drop Five, Win 5-0

The Washington Capitals gave the Carolina Hurricanes a thorough doggy-paddling on Tuesday night, downing their division rivals 5-0 at Verizon Center.

NHL: Carolina Hurricanes at Washington Capitals Geoff Burke-USA TODAY Sports

The Washington Capitals, a volatile concoction of Worcestershire and nitroglycerin, went boom all over the Carolina Hurricanes, dropping an all-too-routine 5-spot on the visitors and generally demoralizing any potential league-wide insurrection. OBEY. COMPLY. SUBMIT.

Here's Tuesday night's Plus/Minus:

Plus: With Lars Eller’s goal, the Caps now have 10 skaters with 10+ goals.

Minus: Jay Beagle blocked a nasty power play slap shot with his knee bones, and hobbled to the bench like a dog in one of those Sarah McLachlan commercials. Hope you’re alright, Beagy Boy!

And now, this..

Ten more notes on the game:

1. This game got off to a slow start like a new bottle of syrup, that is until the Captain and Once-and-Future King Alex Ovechkin fired a missile from his office on the power play, bouncing off the web of Eddie Lack’s glove like a computer virus and all the way to the net.

2. Three minutes later, the Best Third Line in Hockey™ committed adultery in the middle of the ice and before nearly 20,000 scandalized and aroused fans. Andre Burakovsky laid a positively lascivious drop pass for Brett Connolly, who pumped once to tease the Canes, then buried it deep for a 2-0 lead. An unsuccessful coach’s challenge merely prolonged the pleasure, and we were off to the races once again at Verizon Center.

3. The second period passed without incident, like when you didn’t do your science homework but the teacher forgets to collect it. Lars Eller got the third started fast, though, banging home a tight-angle slap shot over Lack’s shoulder that found the three available square inches of space that it needed. It was 3-0 Caps, and the funny thing about gravity is that it’s always accelerating.

4. Because seconds later - indeed, Verizon Center PA announcer Wes Johnson was still announcing Eller’s goal - Evgeny Kuznetsov rifled home a snapshot from the slot to make it 4-0 Caps.

5. Aaaaaaaaand then, because every now and then life is beautiful, and the cosmic rays of a chaotic universe alight on an infant child’s smile and good fortune sighs dreamily, Marcus Johansson threw in one more to make it a nice, round 5-0 victory for Washington.

6. Braden Holtby - whose name literally went unmentioned until just now - was your FIRST STAR of the game, posting a 23-save shutout and tying LA’s Peter Budaj for the league lead with 7 on the year. To paraphrase Adam Sandler at the end of Billy Madison, “BOY, am I glad they signed that guy.”

7. The Caps power play - the most special of the special teams - went 2-for-3 tonight, and has struck like Texas oil rigs in 3 of the last 4 games.

8. As for the penalty kill, the once-leaky vessel is now shipshape and seaworthy, posting a perfect 10-for-10 over the last three games.

9. With Lars Bars Eller’s 10th goal of the season, the Capitals now have ten (10!) skaters with 10+ goals. For those of you keeping score at home, that’s the entire Top-9, plus loyal and loveable hockey hound, Jay Beagle.

10. The Caps have won 24 of their last 30 games. Holy guacamole that’s good. Thank your priests, rabbis, Satanic effigies, rabbit’s feet, lucky bowls of salsa, or whatever you have. This team is good.

This tumbleweed of hellfire careens on through the NHL. Next up is the Red Wings on Thursday at Verizon Center.

Game highlights: