The Washington Capitals, more a steel-toed boot in search of a backside than a hockey team in any metaphysical sense, smashed the Carolina Hurricanes and sent their conference rivals into a tropical depression, 6-1.
Here's Monday night's Plus/Minus:
Plus: The Capitals are getting downright relentless scoring and offensive pressure from all four lines, and blueliners like Dmitry Orlov are chipping in tons, too.
Minus: I have absolutely no idea what a tripping penalty is, anymore, but I’m fairly certain I’m now a Sidney Crosby Overtime Truther. Say it with me: Jet Fuel Can’t Trip Sidney Crosby.
And now, this...
That's a Sean Taylor jersey on the glass, folks. Somebody buy that fan a beer. pic.twitter.com/q50EK18LXB— Jason Rogers (@HeyJayJRogers) January 24, 2017
Ten more notes on the game:
1. This storm made premature landfall, as the Hurricanes struck early and first. Jordan Staal, the One Mother Let Nurse Longest, crunched home a one-timer way low in the slot, making it 1-0 Carolina.
2. Halfway through the first, Dmitry Orlov asked the classic existential query, “What about me, too?” and knocked home a ginormous Jurassic clapper from the blue line, tying the game at 1-1 for the Caps on the power play. Seriously, it was a doozy of a shot.
3. Not to be lost in the collateral aftershock of Orlov’s seismic slapper is the fact that Matt Niskanen has become quite the skillful and adept quarterback on the power play. Nisky manages the point like a pencil sharpener, and is getting good at making the subtle little dinks and dunks that keep play alive in that area.
4. With the first period winding down, Justin Williams, Mr. Contract Year, gently tossed a throwaway snapshot towards the next. The puck apparently caught a phantom stick blade, because it began to tumble end-over-end like a drunken dragonfly. Wouldn’t you know it, it tumbled its way right into the back of the net, giving the Caps the 2-1 lead after one.
5. There wasn’t much for the scorekeeper to do through most of the second period - that is, until Dmitry Orlov reminded everyone that He Has the Best Slap Shot On The Washington Capitals. ™ A physics textbook-perfect clapper from above the circle fired a photon-packed laser beam into the back of the net, making it 3-1 Capitals. It was Orlov’s second career multi-goal game, and pulls him into second place among Capitals defensemen in goals for the year (one behind Matt Niskanen, Perfect Guy).
6. Five minutes later, fellow Russian spy - er, intelligence-minded concerned private citizen, Evgeny Kuznetsov, chased down a loose puck on Cam Ward’s doorstep and put it back home, sending the Caps on an Ultralight Beam to a 4-1 lead, and half price pizza for all the DC faithful! Thanks, Kuzy! Number 92 now has 25 points in 24 games, but I put my pants on correctly today, so who’s really impressive?
7. Of course, it’s not Capitals Hockey ™ recently if they don’t drop a pentagram on people, so TJ Oshie lifted home a beautiful Ovechkin assist late in the third period to make it 5-1 Washington.
8. Hahaha and then Lars Eller ripped home a sharp angle snipe to make it 6-1 Caps, because Lars Eller Works Harder™. It’s got to be just stone cold disheartening to play the Capitals at this point. The score would hold like silly putty in the crack of a dam until the final buzzer.
9. With another 1-goal outing, Holtby’s GAA for the season drops even further below 2.00. Gotta love when that stat starts with a one.
10. The Washington Capitals have now scored one billion goals in their last dozen games, and every player is on track to win the Art Ross Trophy.
And with a Taylor Chorney fight at the final buzzer to cap it off, the Washington Capitals continue to roll through the Eastern Conference like a flamethrowing buzz saw through dehydrated tissue paper. Next up is the Senators on Tuesday night in Ottawa, so rest up and dream of this game, boys! You’ve gotta do it all again in less than 24 hours.