It’s that time of year again! The wonderful Christmas Hanukkah Kwanzaa Festivus Roster Freeze period, when everyone’s in a giving mood (albeit some more giving than others). And who is more deserving of being on the receiving end than our brave boys in red, who gut it out for up to 52 whole minutes a night?
Yes, ’tis the season for good cheer, gifts and blatantly repeating yourself.
So let’s see who’s been naughty and who’s been…nah, screw it. Presents for everyone!
- Alzner, Karl – Nothing. He already got his gift (as did we all).
- Backstrom, Nicklas – A 30-goal season to go with his thousands of beautiful assists
- Bradley, Matt – Platelets
- Clark, Chris – An 82-game regular season
- Erskine, John – The coveted (and permanent) role of 7th defenseman
- Fehr, Eric – The promise that he’ll never be asked to participate in the shootout again
- Fleischmann, Tomas – Blinders so he can’t see when Ovechkin is in the lineup
- Giroux, Alexandre – A government ban on all Giroux-like exports from Hershey (okay, that’s really a gift for the rest of us)
- Gordon, Boyd – A healthy back
- Green, Mike – A roster spot on Team Canada
- Jurcina, Milan – An itchy trigger finger
- Knuble, Mike – It doesn’t really matter, since he’s been perfectly happy collecting his teammates’ garbage for years now
- Laich, Brooks – A nice local girl to settle down with…hint, hint
- Laing, Quintin – Continued use of his jaw. And limbs. And internal organs.
- Morrison, Brendan – A permanent line worthy of a nickname as cool as “West Coast Express”
- Morrisonn, Shaone – Nothin’. Christmas Eve Eve babies always get screwed out of gifts.
- Ovechkin, Alex – A brace for him to wear during the two or three more games this year in which he’ll inevitably carry the team on his shoulders
- Perreault, Mathieu – A second chance
- Pothier, Brian – An authentic stitched Brendan Morrison jersey
- Poti, Tom – A cloak of invisibility so his goalies can see through him
- Schultz, Jeff – A little gosh darn respect
- Semin, Alexander – Consistency (and maybe a new nickname)
- Sloan, Tyler – Getting to play just one position for the rest of the year…in Hershey
- Steckel, Dave – 20 games a year against the Lightning
- Theodore, Jose – Some measure of redemption
- Varlamov, Semyon – An indestructible groin. Make your own jokes.
Any holiday wishes left unfulfilled?