Oh boy. I have a confession to make. I think I may have inspired Sean Avery to say what he said that has gotten him in so much trouble. Why do I think this? Click here and see my shame, from back in May.
Now I feel guilty for quite probably ending Avery’s illustrious NHL career. To assuage that guilt, I’ve taken the time to try to help Sean by putting together the list below. Good luck and godspeed, Sean Avery.
The Top 11 Things For Sean Avery To Do Now That His NHL Career Is Likely Over
11. Become a spokesman for the NAACP cancer research Quebec the Players Association Alex Ovechkin.
10. Waive his stick like a jackass in between Martin Brodeur and his television as the Devils goalie rehabs from his elbow injury.
9. Now that he’s free from all those no-talent hacks he used to work with, begin writing his masterpiece, Chinese Democracy.
8. Open a barbeque joint that serves nothing but wet ribs and call it – you guessed it – Sloppy Seconds.
7. Take up acting – he’s a natural.
6. Wonder how he could possibly say something that Brett Hull thought was over the line.
5. Become an adult film star. Who wouldn’t want to see Sean Avery in Hockey Bukake III: Sloppy Thirds? I mean, besides everyone.
4. Buy a ticket to an NHL game, goad a player in the penalty box into saying something inappropriate, and enjoy fifteen more minutes of fame.
3. Spend more time with Mary-Kate Olsen. Perhaps, a lot more time.
2. Follow Chris Simon, Ray Emery et. al. to the KHL, where the new marketing campaign will be “Fall in love with the NHL’s sloppy seconds.”
1. Attend anger management counseling.