The Noon Number

Sounds like you’ve got a fun little afternoon project ahead of yourself.

Here I was back in DC just recently removed from NYC. What a culture shock believe me. NYC is all action, Washington not so much, especially weekends and weeknights downtown DC is a ghost town. Its early spring 2010 what to do?

Text comes in ‘CCCP’. My great Hoya Son-in-Law texts me ‘CCCP’ he need not explain more, I got it. The local NHL Capitals team down 4-1 going into 3rd period musta done another comeback, uncanny. Somehow this cast of perennial handsome losers I knew in 80s were transformed to a hockey team 2nd to none. Absolutely no lead safe versus that howling, clattering firewagon I was learning. CCCP became our text lingo for the big red firewagon with Ovie, Semin, and Varly, all Ruskies. A one timer masterpiece that outscored every other team in NHL by wide margin and won the President’s Cup that 2009 season. Those DC boys were 1st in goals, assists, points and plus/minus, power play goals across entire NHL, monster season. Its a fact, you can look it up. I climbed on board, what a ride. What a ride I say but locals jumped off at an early departure from playoffs, somehow they were offended that Caps got bounced. I said ‘So what you caught a hot Goalie, this team be back getting President’s and Stanley, cant wait for next season. We got Ovie, we rock.’

Unh-Unh. Not to be. The pundits and nabobs round this town (believe me we have many) said this Capitals team must be tamed to win in playoffs and people bought that tripe. Gotta play D in playoffs to win was the mantra heard all summer. Bruce slow it down and play some D. Oiy Veh they convinced Bruce Beaudreau to eschew the firewagon brand play and bring in a foreign, to this team, concept play D. Slow it down, don’t let the forwards head-long rush up the ice, cool the jets, stay home and be organized with the puck. Mature hockey. Canadian hockey. North American Hockey. Washington Hockey.

That was the wrong take on this masterpiece team, yet it played in DC and with Bruce. Slow down, dump the puck in and cycle was kryptonite to their excellent style and the results were predictably quite bad. Bruce put the brakes on and 2010-2011 was forgettable, all the stats show the malaise, 9th in goals, 23rd in power play goals and so on. Local hero also had his locks shorn and Ovechkin scored but 32 goals that season after having 50 the year earlier. We hear Vancouver got President’s Cup. The nabobs said the payoff would be playoff wins. Not so much, those Caps got swept by an average Tampa Bay team and most now knew what they were afraid to say. We threw the baby out with the bathwater. Howdy Doody.

Well in our Hockeytown USA where we rock the red, hope springs eternal. No changes made for 2011-2012. Bruce et al still sold the tripe, just slow it down, have forwards look backwards, bring up the puck carefully without turning it over. Play some freakin D and we deliver Lord Stanley’s silverware to you Yanks trust us we know hockey we are Canadians, we invented it. Of course it did not play. The now completely emasculated style just fell over. Gone, the firewagon has left the building. The anemic thing thrown on the ice is 23rd in Shots on Goal and not near the top in any statistic anywhere. In fact if the season were to end as I type, these recently invincible Washington Capitals, don’t make the playoffs.

The saddest part is somehow we can’t or didn’t learn. The sole hope here is a revival of Firewagon brand, rock the red, rock the league, our way or the highway NHL brand hockey. With Alex Ovechkin and Sasha Semin leading the way the Stanley Cup is ours for years. But, reality bites, Kryptonite kills Superman, and Dale Hunter will destroy the Firewagon forever. His paradigm is unique its all about taking the fun out of hockey and boiling the tripe to a dump and cycle game. He has christened the Firehydrant days. Days of abject failure juxtaposed against a recent glorious past. Its clear to see.

Ha! Great call.