via www.examiner.com

Dear GMGM- I am a young male in my 20s from the DC area and I would like to approach you with a problem I am having. I am a mid-level employee at a fairly successful business (or as successful as things can be these days). Pretty soon my employers will be reconsidering my salary and they want my input on what I think I should be paid. I want to ask for substantially more than I am being paid now but I don't want to be dismissed out of hand or, even worse, let go altogether and replaced with a cheaper alternative. On the other hand, I don't want to lowball myself in my demands. How should I approach this situation?

Signed,

Lowballed in Ballston?

Dear Lowballed,

From what I can tell, most of the Rinkers here at Japers' spend a good 8-10 hours of their day at their places of employment. And an average of five of these hours is spent reading, posting or making witty comments on Japers' Rink threads.  In order to keep up this productivity, you should ask yourself "What kind of worker am I?". Then maybe ask yourself a second, more important, question: "What would GMGM do?"

Let's look at your options:

1/ Maybe you are a total team player. This is the only place of work you have ever known. You are a possible future face of the franchise. Despite your relatively young age, maybe others will start addressing you as "my captain" at work. If this is the case, aim high and aim long my friend.

2/ Maybe you are an extremely talented worker but seem to have your good days and your bad days. Have you gained the reputation of being a bit of a headcase? Maybe you have done some amazing things for your business, but also made some stupid, egregious errors that have hurt the business. Is there a threat lingering that you may flee to another organization? If this is the case, maybe you should only negotiate on a yearly basis and get a nice sum for what you can do now .

3/ Maybe you're the type of worker who likes to say and do the right things. Always talking positively about the business. Being the good boy scout, even when it may appear you are being a kissass. Ask yourself this, "Am I willing to put my money where my mouth is?"  Are you willing to take a hometown discount for the sake of being part of a successful business?

4/ Maybe you're just in it for the nachos. Does your business serve nachos? Are they yummy? Do you like eating them while the rest of your co-workers make the business a winning franchise? You're one lucky son of a gun.

Make the right choice. Choose wisely. Do as GMGM would

Dear GMGM-  I am a 20 year old female working at a pet store in Virginia.  Recently my bosses divided the staff into two teams for "morale-building purposes". It's totally not working.  The designated team leader on the other team is this bossy wench who thinks she knows everything and makes work a living hell for all the people in her group. She already made one of my best friends quit the job with all her harassment and abuse! I am afraid to say anything because she is friends with the bosses. What should I do??!!

Signed,

Made to Feel Stupid at PetSmart

Dear Made,

In life, we all have to deal with authority figures who make things a living hedoublehockeysticks. But things can go smoother by asking one simple question: What would GMGM do?

The situation is a difficult one, but the solution is easy as pie. It involves two steps.

1/ Confront the "bossy wench" in the store hallway after you have closed for the day

and

2/ Punch her in the face.

While GMGM stresses he does not advocate violence against women, your situation suggests that this uppity strumpet deserves a good Mollekening. Even if you may end up with a fine and supension afterwards.

Make the right choice. Choose wisely. Do as GMGM would.

Dear GMGM - I am an employer in DC proper with an overpaid employee. While once a successful worker, lately his style doesn't fit into our business's new direction. And just as an aside, he talks in circles and circles and never gets to the point. Drives me nuts! He is becoming a real albatross on our successful work team. What do you suggest?

Signed,

Driven Mad By the Circles.

Dear Driven, 

I am assuming you have asked yourself "What would GMGM would do?". Your second step is to send GMGM your contact info. He will get you in touch with a business in Grand Rapids, Michigan who can take said employee off your hands.

Do as GMGM would.