Summer free-agency blues got you down? Tired of drinking the GM GM Kool-Aid? Already confirmed our cumulative fears by injecting some reality into your off-season hopes, reading and re-reading the excellent Mackan Manifesto ten times? Well then, if you're like me it's time for something completely different.
As a closet nerd, I couldn't help but get excited for our Capital's beloved Verizon Center's biggest event of the summer. No, not Taylor Swift with special guests Kellie PIckler and Gloriana. I'm talking about the most monumental non-Caps event of the year, which just happened last weekend - Star Wars in Concert!!!
What, pray tell, does this have to do with the Caps and hockey in general?
Good question. You see, like most of you, I find it difficult to go to our shrine on 7th & F without sporting some sort of Caps paraphernalia. This was good as the Phone Booth was overrun with all sorts of Star Wars über-dorks, yet fortunately their dorkdom was not quite at the same caliber of these basement-dwelling, misanthropic virgins. I was not afraid to sport my Caps affiliation, and refreshingly others weren't either; a great trend to see in an otherwise Cap-less NHL off-season. (Click here for a sweet pic of a jersey-clad Scoops next to Darth Vader himself.)
However, the most STARTLING of realizations didn't come until mid-way through the exceptionally well-orchestrated concert, when I made the greatest hockey/Star Wars parallel ever imagined...
Jonathan Cheechoo is in fact Jengo Fett.
I know, I know... I didn't believe it either when I first made the realization, but alas I stared up at 80,000" of Blu-ray HD glory whilst the original John Williams score raged on, my entire understanding of the universe came crashing down on me. It was then that I discovered the truth of Jengothan Fettchoo, the once successful imperial bounty-hunter is now in fact an unemployed earth Senator.
How in the world has mainstream hockey media been able to pull the wool over my eyes for so long? How could I have never made this connection before? And, now that it's so plain to see... what other characters, ostracized from the Star Wars universe and now out of work, have taken refuge in the National Hockey League, signing short-term lucrative professional sports contracts en lieu of a work stoppage on the silver screen?
Considering the above, I began to research other players that Saturday night to uncover more ex-Star Wars-now-hockey-player identities. After very little time, I was stumbled upon Chewbacca's real identity below... which explains much of the on-ice rage tendencies we've seen, and coincidentally puts to rest the age-old "did he really just bite Kris Letang!?" mystery. I present to you Scotty Chewbacnell:
Maybe I'm not the only one to make these parallels? That's probably a safe assumption as Caps fans are more savvy than most. In that vein I ask you, my fellow Washingtonians, to share any and all NHL/Star Wars characters you've spotted in your walks of life in the comments below. If my suspicions are correct, there's probably a lot more than we think...