FanPost

If hockey players were beers

an Avery - Arrogant Bastard

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 * More than a clever name: Arrogant bastard is an underrated beer, often dismissed as just a  novelty beer because of the name, it's actually not bad (if you're into bitter beers) and at 7.2%  ABV it will sneak up on you. While not extremely powerful, it's not a weak beer by any means. When  you order it at the bar you expect a descent buzz, but but the time you finish 22 oz of it, you're  staggering out of the bar, vomiting, and wake up in the morning blacked out and cast aside by all  your friends because you apparently called all their girlfriends sluts. Then later that day when  you're nursing your hangover you find a receipt in your pocket and slap yourself when you find out  you just spend 12 dollars on a single 22oz glass. The text on the back of the bottle actually  insults you despite the fact that it doesn't even know you.

 

 

Donald Brashear - Steel Reserve

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 * Probably one of the worst tasting beers in the world, yet it's always in demand. Passing by that distinctive, bold font in the beer isle, you may have a repressed memory resurface just briefly so you usually pass it while sticking your fingers in your ears, singling "la la la la". Everyone who gets into this beer at one time or another seems to grow out of it quckly, but it's still nice to see that it's available. Why? Because a few nights a year you just need something cheap and dirty that  gets the job done. Most people talk smack about this beer, saying it's crap, but lets face it: If you're having a crappy night, are looking to drown your short term memory and only have $3.12 in  change in your pocket.... what else are you going to buy?

 

Alex Ovechkin - Delerium Nocturnum/Tremens (a rogue beer would have just been a little too easy here)

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* Never mess with a beer that has a giant pink elephant on the label. It's quite distinctive sitting on the shelf behind the bar because it's it's "stone" looking fascade. This beer has won its share of awards, yet Canada and The United States initially banned this beer when it was first imported  because the government officials in charge of making such decisions are big pussies. It's 8.5% ABV so it packs a mean punch but still maintains a great taste, although an ignorant few will debate the latter. Unfortunately, not many people can afford this brand at $19.99 for a four pack.

 

Dan Carcillo - Corona

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 * Bottled piss trying hard to pass as real beer. In fact, the only thing that makes this "beer" remotely pallatable is by teaming it up with additional liquid (i.e. lime juice), but it barely hides the fact that it's still garbage. This sham of a beverage has no place in the beer isle.

 

Olaf Kolzig- Blue Moon

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 * There's something comforting and nostalgic about this beer. It's most closely defined as a hefeweizen, a German name for "wheat beer", boasts a belgian style, and is sold mostly in North America... so you're left scratching your head when someone asks you what country it's from. Since 2006, its brewing company has tried a few variations and seasonal versions, but they just aren't the same. There will never be another one like the original. It was probably a staple for most people at one point in there lives even if they don't buy it much anymore. However, if you find yourself at a restaurant with a limited selection of domestics, odds are this is the one that's going to end up on your bill.

 

Mike Green - La Fin Du Monde

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* The most underrated Canadian beer ever. It has an amazing taste, yet it's completely off most people's radars probably due to the intimidating name and alcohol content (9%). Most people will avoid it because they assume a bottle will leave you on the sidewalk at 2am crying and bleeding, but those of us who know what a gem this beer is don't care what other people think. That just leaves all the more for us! ...Plus... some people like me who speak terrible french might accidentally translate "the end of the world" as "game over".

 

Sidney Crosby - O'Douls.

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 * This beer may boast that it's "Now richer and smoother", but no matter how you package it, it's  still .. well...
 * I also would have settled for Pabst because it's the beer most commonly found in dives... Get it? Dives? (taps the microphone)... Is this thing on?

If this FanPost is written by someone other than one of the blog's editors, the opinions expressed in it do not necessarily reflect those of this blog or SB Nation.

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